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Trigger warning: Mentions of suicide
In May 2021, Rahul (name changed) received the most devastating message of his life — his girlfriend had tried to end her life. He rushed to the hospital as quickly as he could, while praying that she would survive. His mind raced through their past conversations, trying to understand what could have driven her to such a desperate act.
To his relief, she survived, and Rahul dedicated himself to helping her heal. As he nursed her back to health, he urged her to seek professional help, which she did a few days later by visiting a psychiatrist.
Through therapy and treatment, they discovered that her attempt had been an impulsive decision, made during a moment of overwhelming despair.
“The trauma stemmed from a rough childhood where her father abandoned the family, leaving her home an unsafe and unstable environment. This deep-seated pain triggered an impulsive decision to get over the conflict by ending her life,” says Rahul.
What shocked Rahul and her loved ones the most was how she seemed completely fine to the outside world. She was a driven career woman, but no one knew the silent battles she was fighting within.
Most people who take their own lives seem outwardly fine, masking their internal struggles. However, they often leave subtle signs that can alert loved ones that everything is not okay.
In this article, we will explore these signs to help others recognise when someone may be silently suffering.
Recognising the warning signs
Every year, on 10 September, World Suicide Prevention Day is observed to raise awareness and prevent suicides. This year, the theme set by the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) is ‘Changing the Narrative on Suicide’, with a call to action to ‘Start the Conversation’.
The goal, according to IASP, is to shift how people perceive suicide and encourage open conversations about suicidal behaviour among communities, governments, individuals, organisations, and more.
The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that over 7,20,000 people die by suicide each year globally. An equal or even greater number attempt to take their own lives. This highlights the critical importance of being alert, present, and supportive of loved ones who may be struggling.
“Listening is the most crucial,” says Priyanka Varma, a psychologist at The Thought Company and consultant at Holy Family Hospital in Mumbai. With over a decade of experience, she specialises in working with young adults as they navigate a world beyond social media.
Understanding how to support someone with suicidal thoughts is critical, so we spoke with Priyanka to learn what steps we can take to help those who may be struggling with suicidal tendencies.
Being aware of the warning signs in someone contemplating such an extreme step is important. It’s crucial to recognise that this is never a decision made lightly. It is often a final, desperate measure someone considers when they feel life is no longer worth living.
According to Priyanka, this usually occurs when a person is struggling to cope with a significant change in their life. “I’ve noticed that some of the symptoms include hopelessness and worthlessness. They feel trapped and question their sense of self-worth. It’s a feeling of unbearable, intense pain, where they wonder if there is anything good waiting for them,” she shares.
She adds that for some, suicide might be an act of impulse, while for others, it might be planned. “Some may never speak about it. Others might wrap up their paperwork including creating a will and adding nominations in all assets. They might have conversations relating to this with their loved ones. They will say their final goodbyes and write letters,” she adds.
One must look out if a loved one had a significantly life-altering event, which they are struggling to cope with. “If a person seems to be in significant distress, speak to them compassionately and handle them with a lot of love and care,” adds the mental health professional.
What to do if someone contemplating suicide comes to you for help?
- Listen to them sans judgement
This is the most important, stresses Priyanka. “Tell them that I’m here for you and I want to hear what you say. Don’t judge them. Reassure them,” she says.
- Don’t rush to give advice
“Don’t tell them that what they are thinking of is wrong; they know it. Be empathetic and just give them a safe space to speak. Once you give them space to accept themselves, they will be able to ask you what they need,” she says.
- Don’t guilt them or make it all about you!
“We tend to make it all about ourselves and say, ‘If you love me, don’t do it’. This is only about them; it’s their distress. Hold space for them,” she says.
- Ask them what they need
“Be curious and ask them questions. Try to understand what is wrong and what’s bothering them. Ask them what you can do to help them,” she adds.
- Ask relevant questions
“Ask them about their experiences and when they started feeling this way. Try to understand what contributed to it. Ask them what you could do to help them,” says Priyanka, adding, “Seek their permission before sharing suicide helpline numbers or a mental health professional’s number.”
‘Mindful and compassionate parenting is the need of the hour’
India has been witnessing an alarming rise in student suicides over the past few years. A report titled Student Suicides: An Epidemic Sweeping India, which draws data from the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), reveals that student suicides have increased by 4 percent over the past two decades, which is double the national average.
The report also notes that the rate of student suicides has surpassed population growth, prompting a closer examination of the role of parenting in this crisis.
“Mindful and compassionate parenting is the need of the hour. Don’t pressurise your children. This doesn’t mean that you give in to every demand — set your boundaries, but maintain a space for honest conversation and dialogue,” says Priyanka.
As parents, we must not push our hopes and dreams on our children. “You have to recognise that they are their own individual. Build a space where they feel comfortable coming and sharing their troubles with you. Equip your kids with the skills to speak about their feelings and learn to manage them better,” she adds.
“It’s crucial to build resilience and awareness in coping with distress from a young age. Engage with children calmly and understand what they are going through. Help them develop problem-solving skills early on,” she stresses.
To anyone struggling, the mental health professional urges them to seek help right at the beginning. “If you are feeling depressed or low for over a week or 10 days, please go ahead and speak to someone. If you are struggling to find motivation and resilience to power through something and it is really weighing you down, please seek assistance,” she adds.
“If something is weighing you down and you are feeling suicidal, step away from the situation. Go and speak to someone you trust. If you can’t find anyone, call a suicide helpline number. If that too doesn’t work, please visit the emergency room at a hospital,” advises Priyanka.
Edited by Pranita Bhat
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