“There was a constant feeling of darkness inside and outside me,” says Rama.
In early 2023, Rama started experiencing pain in her ears, a constant sensation of discomfort that she couldn’t overlook. This kicked off a series of visits to Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) specialists. Even after surgery, she had a gnawing feeling that something was still wrong, which led her to continue visiting doctors.
Each time, the doctors assured her that there was nothing wrong with her ears. She persisted in seeking answers, visiting multiple doctors, hoping for a solution. Eventually, a doctor suggested she consult a psychiatrist, as the issue might be related to anxiety.
A journalist with over 19 years of experience, Rama visited a psychiatrist on her first day at a new job. There, she was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder — a mental health condition characterised by excessive fear and worry about everyday activities and the future.
Shocked by the diagnosis, Rama, 44, found solace in her psychiatrist’s words: “I can pull you out of this. If you are willing to help me, I’ll help you.”
This statement made a world of difference as Rama finally understood the cause of her persistent worries, sleepless nights, and anxiety about the future over the past six years.
Here’s her story and how it took physical pain to diagnose her mental struggles:
‘I was gripped by a fear of the future’
Born and raised in Mumbai, Rama moved to Chennai in 2018 for a job. Adjusting to a new city, culture, people, and workplace was challenging for her, especially while living alone. “It’s not easy coming home to an empty apartment,” she admits candidly.
In hindsight, she realised that living alone triggered several episodes of anxiety. Deeply ambitious, she had charted out a path for herself, and when things didn’t go as planned, they affected her deeply. “I didn’t even realise I was anxious or that I needed to see a doctor. I would have palpitations but somehow powered through as I had work to finish,” Rama says.
Working in a fast-paced setup where breaking news took priority and daily newspaper editions had to be sent out, she often neglected her own mental health. “I didn’t have time to slow down, and honestly, I never understood its importance. I didn’t speak up for what I needed. Taking a break or slowing down doesn’t mean you’re doing less, as I now realise,” she adds.
When her organisation shut down earlier this year, Rama found herself without a job for the first time in nearly two decades. Around the same time, she underwent surgery for a deviated septum (a condition where the cartilage and bone that separate the nasal cavity are off-centre).
Post-surgery complications triggered her anxiety, and she was particularly afraid of losing her hearing. She couldn’t sleep for 10 whole days and had constant palpitations. “I felt like the world was closing in on me, and my vision was beginning to blur when I was on the road,” Rama explains. This anxiety led her to consult multiple ENT specialists.
“I kept asking the doctor for medication to make me feel better. Finally, one fine day, she told me that there was nothing wrong with my ear. She said, ‘I really think you have anxiety and should visit a psychiatrist’,” adds the Bengaluru resident.
Her first visit to the psychiatrist was an eye-opener. As she discussed her symptoms, the psychiatrist diagnosed her with generalised anxiety disorder. What troubled her the most was that as a journalist who had covered and commissioned several health stories, she hadn’t recognised her own symptoms.
“Why didn’t I notice the signs? I realised we get so caught up in work. Newsrooms are chaotic, deadlines are relentless, and we don’t have time to think about our health. Even when we rest, we’re still working. I also didn’t know how to rest. Rest, to me, meant anxiety because I wasn’t doing anything,” she adds.
‘Slow down’
Rama was bogged down by a constant fear of the future, which didn’t allow her to sleep. “I feared failure and not being able to achieve my goals. I had cold feet and palpitations. Fear had invaded my body. It was a very difficult time,” she says.
The psychiatrist gave her some pills to begin her treatment. Rama also called her mother to Bengaluru for support while her husband was at work. She stayed with her for two and a half months, providing unwavering support every time Rama broke down.
Though her mother didn’t fully understand anxiety, she listened. They would go on long walks, sometimes lasting over two hours, which helped Rama get fresh air, sunlight, and a much-needed distraction from her thoughts.
Rama notes that while loved ones may not fully understand mental health issues, they can still help. Over time, her husband became more receptive to her needs and worked alongside her to help her feel better.
“Don’t expect your family to understand what you’re going through right away. It takes time. The major thing people need to realise is that people with anxiety don’t need advice or solutions. We just want to be heard. We can find our own solutions,” she says.
Here’s what helped Rama cope with her anxiety:
Try journalling: ‘It helped me expand my thoughts.’
- Take support from friends and family: She worked out of a friend’s house as she was afraid of being alone.
- Slow down: ‘I’ve learnt not to get bogged down by new experiences.’
- Spend time in the sun: ‘It can positively impact your hormones, making you hopeful.’
- Go on long walks: It can help you clear your mind.
- Be vulnerable: Speaking about her anxiety with colleagues has helped.
Over the past few months, her worldview has changed, as she realised the importance of mental health. “I’m not a fan of hustle culture anymore. I don’t want to be part of anything that doesn’t allow me to rest or impacts my mental health,” she shares.
Looking back, if she had a time machine, she would probably have sought help earlier.
“I think my life would have been very different if I had viewed rest as a necessity, not a luxury. Had I known that taking rest breaks in my career would have helped me stay healthy in the long run, I would have done it,” she says.
If you know someone with anxiety, just hear them out, she advises. Check-in on them regularly and lend an ear!
To every person fighting their own mental battles, she has an important message:
“Mental health is the most important thing. If your mental health isn’t in a good place, no matter what you do, your physical health won’t hold up. If you don’t take care of this, you cannot achieve anything else. It’s not a one-month or six-month journey; it’s a lifelong process.”
Edited by Khushi Arora
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